Planner's Dilemma

 Sooo... this Memorial day weekend I ended up having a 4 day weekend because I went to take the vaccine on Friday, then went home afterward in case of possible side effects. And then Monday everybody had off because it was a holiday so anyways... 

My precious body blessed me with a fever all of Saturday, rolling around in a half awakened state on the couch for the majority of that day. As I was in the middle of vaccine purgatory, I had an epiphany. 

Start working on my next book, that's what I need to do! So I start Googling and Youtubing stuff about writing books from famous authors (J.K. Rowling, Stephen King etc). I even start writing in a little bit on chapter 2 of my second book's word doc. I am getting real juiced about writing and writing another book at this point. I'm thinking about ISBN numbers and cover art, getting way down the road in my thought process. 

Then sometime into Sunday it dawns on my that I can't make no damn money writing another book. I should really be finishing my real estate license and prepare to take the exam. I went back and logged into my real estate school portal which is an awesome program if you're looking to get your real estate license in California. I actually got all the way to the end of the program and then didn't take the test and decided to go back to work due to lack of funds coming in. 

But Sunday, Sunday was the day for me planning out how my life would look if I started a real estate career, and how I am going to finally conquer this big bad exam. This was the day I visualized my life as a Realtor and which brokerage I want to go with and how I was going to switch after I get more experience to get a better commission split. I pictured going to get a new realtor wardrobe at New York & Co. I thought about how I'd have to make a ton of cold calls everyday. Mainly, I thought about how much money I could be making with Bay Area prices. Whew child! After all this imagining, even the best of us get a little tired and need to rest. 

Monday which is also today I took stock of my crazy monkey brained career planning a little. Woosah, right? Word. 

I cleaned up the house, and washed my hair. Internalized some goals about my work week ahead like that I am going to enjoy myself and have a positive outlook regardless of the tasks I face ahead. Then I thought about a book I had bought months ago called the Smart but Scattered Guide to Success and I had to take a moment, looking back at my weekend, and take inventory of my approach. It sucks being a Class A planner with F+ Organization skills.

It's so funny to me all the new aged stuff I internalize from listening to it on Youtube (Oprah, Abraham Hicks, Louise Hay) and my mind still functions this way. Then something dawned on me that seems so simple but is really very profound: Where I am now is Good. Where I am now is Good. 

My now reality has all the necessary components to incite happiness, joy, growth and fulfillment in the appreciation for how things are in this very moment. 

Maybe the reason I grasp so aggressively at future events is because I have not made peace with the here and now being A-okay. 

My grasps at a better future are halfhearted at times because they aren't so much epiphanies of wanting to change in a new direction. No. More like desperate attempts at escaping my now reality--a now reality that I have not fully embraced. 

So although I am still tentatively planning to write a second book, I decided to spend some time reaaaaalllly getting more comfortable in appreciating my now. Read about how that's going in my next blog post if you'd like.